Dating after divorce can seem like a daunting
prospect. Your self-esteem may be at an
all-time low, your faith in love has been
damaged, and, besides, it's so long since you
last had to go on a date, you're not sure you'd
know where to start.
But sitting home alone isn't going to solve
your problems. If you want to regain your
confidence and take a chance on romance,
getting out there and relearning the rules of
the game is the easiest way to do it.
Where to Start
If your old friends are all married, you may
not know any other singles of a similar age to
you. So go out and find some.
You can meet new friends in all sorts of
places. Start an evening class in a subject
which has always intrigued you. Take up a sport
which your ex was never that interested in.
Join hobby clubs or reading groups or become a
New friends come with all kinds of benefits.
Because they don't know your ex, they won't
feel any loyalty to them - this means they will
free to take your side at all times and won't
feel guilty about introducing you to all the
eligible singles they know.
New single friends are even better. Married
people may feel intimidated by the mention of
divorce, or could be jealous of your new found
freedom. Singles know exactly what you're going
through and will cheer you on through thick and
thin. Most singles clubs act as support
networks rather than dating agencies, so find
one and give it a try.
Learn to Love Yourself
Learn to develop confidence by standing up
straight, making eye contact and smiling at
people. You may feel unappealing, but force
yourself to greet everyone you meet - having
the supermarket clerk smile back at you will
give you a surprising boost.
Get used to trying new things and taking small
chances. Go somewhere you've never been before.
Try an unusual hobby. Chat to someone you've
only just met. Become accustoming to leaving
your own comfort zone and dating will soon seem
Trust your Instincts
When you're nervous, you may look for excuses
to avoid dating again. Anxiety and inexperience
are bad ones, but there are a couple of good
reasons to say no.
Don't start dating after divorce just because
your ex has. If your separation took you by
surprise, take time to get over it. Meeting
someone new is not a competition, so wait until
If somebody makes you uncomfortable, there may
be good reason. There are people out there who
prey on low self esteem. So, if someone
unsettles you, don't hang around.
When you're ready to start dating, let your new
friends know - they could know the perfect
person for you. If you don't seem to be meeting
any attractive singles, consider online dating.
Internet dating has become incredibly popular,
and can put you in contact with many more
people than you could ever hope to meet
There will come a time when you do have a date.
It may be sooner than you think; it may take
you by surprise.
Dating after divorce may feel strange, but go
out with the intention of enjoying yourself.
Your date may lead to romance, or you may not
click. All that matters is that you won't know
until you go. You're single now and your life
is full of opportunities. So, don't stay home
dwelling on the past. Get out there and give
that date a go. You will be surprised that
dating after divorce can bring about positive
Rick Freedom is an aspiring author and
entrepreneur whose interests include
communication, human relationships, love,
dating and philosophy. If you liked what you
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